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(Not Quite) Twenty Things You Always Wanted To Know About Me But Were Afraid To Ask

This is just something I decided to do on the spur of the moment to give all of you a chance to learn a little bit more about me and my way of looking at things. It's partially serious, mostly silly, and probably partly stupid as well, but in any case, here it is! I've chosen a "question and answer" format with me asking myself questions, a choice which probably gives you some idea what kind of person you're dealing with here...

Q: For the record, please state your full name.
A: Anthony Elisha Upton. I'm the only person I know with a Latin first name, a Hebrew middle name and a Welsh last name.

Q: Okay...tell us a little bit about yourself, your family, where you're from, that sort of thing.
A: Well, as for myself, there's not much to say. If I had to use one word to describe myself, it would be "average." Not normal, mind you, but "average." I'm about 5'9", 180 pounds, and I certainly don't have a bodybuilder's strength or a movie star's looks. I have one brother who's about 4 1/2 years younger than me. My mom was born and raised on a farm near Emporia, a town in south central Virginia, and my dad was born in Portsmouth, Virginia and spent quite a bit of time on his grandparents' farm in South Mills, North Carolina.

I was born in Portsmouth and raised in Smithfield, a town of about 6,000 people in southeastern Virginia. Smithfield is well-known for its pork products - in fact, without Smithfield Foods, Smithfield might not even exist. Farming is a basically the main activity besides pork processing that goes in around here.

That's pretty much all there is to say about that, unless you want the unabridged version.

Q: No, no, that's fine. So, what do you do for a living?
A: I'm glad you asked. I work for Prime Media, a cable ad insertion company in Smithfield. We take local commercials and broadcast them on national cable networks like CNN and ESPN. It would take a lot of time to explain how that works...but in a nutshell, that's how I earn my paycheck.

Q: Elvis...is he alive or dead?
A: Dead. Definitely dead, although I wasn't there when it happened, so it's only an educated guess.

Q: So, why did you decide to create this site?
A: It's funny you should ask that question, because I was playing basketball in my back yard one day when I decided to do it. I'm still not sure why...I guess I just thought it might be something neat to try to do, so I did it. And I'm glad I did!

Q: Of all the places you've been in your life, what are some of your favorites?
A: Hmm...there are quite a few of those. I like Smithfield because that's where I grew up, and there are a lot of historical houses and buildings there which are interesting to look at. I also like Battery Park and Rescue, two villages near Smithfield, because they're so small and quiet. I like South Mills, North Carolina, for the same reason, and because my great-grandparents lived there. I also enjoyed the time I went to Florida - I mean, who doesn't like Florida? The two trips I took to the mountains of North Carolina were also great.

Here's one out of left field now - Interstate 84 between Milford, Pennsylvania and Port Jervis, New York. If you look back after you've crossed over the Delaware River into New York, you'll get a spectacular view. And, last but not least, there's West Point, New York.

Q: That's quite a list there. Now for a different subject altogether. What's the meaning of life?
A: Hey, what kind of question is that? If I wasn't the one interviewing me, I'd have a few harsh words for me.

Q: Sorry...next question. What's your favorite color?
A: That's a tough choice, because I like several of them. But if I had to pick one I'd say blue.

Q: How about your favorite foods?
A: Anything spicy, particularly if it's Chinese. I also enjoy Italian and Mexican food, and the usual Southern fare like collards, cornbread, hush puppies, etc.

Q: What came first, the chicken or the egg?
A: I probably shouldn't answer this one, but I'll have to say Dick Clark.

Q: Back to favorites now. How about your favorite books?
A: I really love a good laugh, and anything from Lewis Grizzard, Terry Pratchett, and Douglas Adams fits that bill. I also enjoy reading the works of David Eddings and Robert Jordan. Jordan's "Wheel of Time" series is far more detailed than I ever thought possible and is well worth your time if you like fantasy books. Just be prepared to spend A LOT of time reading them... there are currently 9 books in the series (with a tenth on the way), and they are all between 750 and 1,000 pages long. And yes, I've read every one of them at least once.

Q: Your eyes must be very tired! When they're not occupied by reading, what do they enjoy seeing on TV?
A: I love British comedies, especially "Monty Python's Flying Circus," "Are You Being Served?," "Fawlty Towers," and "Keeping Up Appearances." I also enjoy "The Red Green Show," and a couple of other shows, but that's about all I watch regularly.

Q: If a train leaving Philadelphia at 4:15 PM goes west at 85 miles per hour...
A: Hey! I told me, no math questions!! Didn't I listen to what I told me?

Q: Oh, sorry...back to favorites again. Do you have any favorite sports teams?
A: Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. My favorite sport is football, and I've been a fan of the New York Giants for over half my life. I also root for Virginia Tech and Army in college football because I went to both of those schools. Other than that, I really don't root for any particular teams.

Q: And last, but not least, do you have any advice you'd like to give to everyone who reads this?
A: Sure. Here are my words of wisdom, in no particular order:

And, finally: